⚡ NEXT CLAN WAR IN: ⚡
WE'RE ALWAYS READY TO FRAG!
YOU ARE VISITOR #
1337420
📖 ABOUT TOM - THE LEGEND 📖
🎮 THE ORIGIN STORY 🎮
Born in 1982 with a mouse in one hand and a plasma rifle in the other, Tom emerged from the primordial ooze of dial-up internet ready to PWN n00bs across the digital battlefield.
💫 FIRST GAMING HANDLE: "xX_1337_SNIPERZ_420_Xx" 💫
Yeah, I know what you're thinking. "Tom, that handle is embarrassingly cringey!" But back in '98, that name struck FEAR into the hearts of Counter-Strike scrubs everywhere! I once got a 47-kill streak on de_dust2 while eating a sandwich. The sandwich was delicious.
⚔️ LEGENDARY LAN BATTLE: THE PIZZA HUT MASSACRE OF 2001 ⚔️
Picture this: 32 players, 16 CRT monitors, enough Mountain Dew to fill a swimming pool, and me with my custom-tuned Quake 3 config. The battle raged for 18 hours straight. By dawn, I had achieved the impossible: a negative ping time of -5ms (don't ask me how, it's classified). My railgun accuracy? 347%. Yes, that's mathematically impossible, but tell that to the 50 consecutive headshots I landed while blindfolded.
🏆 EPIC ACHIEVEMENTS 🏆
- First person to rocket-jump to actual orbit (NASA still denies this)
- Discovered the secret 34th weapon in Duke Nukem 3D
- Beat Half-Life using only the crowbar... on Hard difficulty... with eyes closed
- Invented the "360-no-scope-triple-backflip-headshot" (later banned by the Geneva Convention)
- My Unreal Tournament bot once achieved sentience and asked for an autograph
"Tom doesn't play games. Games play themselves in fear of Tom." - IGN (probably)
🎮 GAMES I ABSOLUTELY DOMINATE 🎮
🚀 QUAKE III ARENA 🚀
PRO STRAT: Stand completely still in the middle of the map to assert dominance. This confuses enemies so much they forget how to aim. Works 60% of the time, every time.
FAVORITE MAP: Q3DM17 (The Longest Yard) - I once rocket-jumped so high I had to file a flight plan with air traffic control.
WEAPON OF CHOICE: Railgun. Why? Because instant deletion of n00bs from across the map never gets old.
👑 DUKE NUKEM 3D 👑
PRO STRAT: Kick down every door. Don't open them, KICK them. Doors are for quitters and people who don't chew bubblegum.
FAVORITE WEAPON: Devastator (dual rocket launchers). Subtle? No. Effective? Groovy!
SPEEDRUN RECORD: Completed the entire game in 12 minutes while eating a burger and trash-talking aliens.
⚡ UNREAL TOURNAMENT ⚡
PRO STRAT: Always aim for the feet with the Flak Cannon. Not because it's more effective, but because watching enemies dance is hilarious.
FAVORITE GAME MODE: Instagib CTF. One shot, one kill, infinite glory.
SECRET TECHNIQUE: The "Tom Tornado" - spin while shooting the Minigun for 10 seconds, then rocket-jump. Results may vary (usually explosive).
🧪 HALF-LIFE DEATHMATCH 🧪
PRO STRAT: Always carry the crowbar, even when you have better weapons. You never know when you need to open a crate... or someone's skull.
FAVORITE MAP: Crossfire - Nothing beats sniping with the crossbow while the nuclear warhead counts down. Pressure makes diamonds!
💣 COUNTER-STRIKE 1.6 💣
PRO STRAT: Buy the AWP every round, even as a terrorist. Economy is for people who can't hit flickshots.
SIGNATURE MOVE: The "No-Scope 360 Through Smoke While Defusing" - banned in 47 countries.
CALLOUT MASTERY: I invented half the callouts on de_dust2. "Ninja spot"? That was me.
💾 DOWNLOADS & MODS 💾
UNDER CONSTRUCTION
🎯 Tom's Quake Config v3.11
Increases accuracy by 500%! Side effects may include carpal tunnel and uncontrollable fragging.
🎨 Custom Duke Skin Pack
Makes Duke even more badass (scientifically impossible, but we did it). Now with 200% more attitude!
🎵 Tom's Winamp Skin
Warning: This skin is so epic it may crash your PC from sheer awesomeness overload.
🚀 ULTIMATE FRAG MOD
Replaces all weapons with rocket launchers. Balanced? No. Fun? ABSOLUTELY!
📝 PATCH NOTES: TOMGAME v2.0
Changelog for my imaginary game that's better than everything else combined.
- + Added 47 new ways to frag
- + Increased awesome by 200%
- - Removed gravity (was limiting creativity)
- * Fixed bug where enemies could win
- + Tom now immune to all damage
- * Balanced by making everyone else Tom
🎮 SHAREWARE CLASSICS
Original shareware versions of games that defined a generation!
👥 THE UNTOUCHABLES - CLAN ROSTER 👥
"WE DON'T JUST WIN - WE MAKE WINNING LOOK EASY"
Est. 1998 | Undefeated Since Forever | Powered by Mountain Dew
TOM_RULEZ [LEADER]
FRAGBOT_3000
xX_420_BLAZER_Xx
LIGHTNING_FINGERS
NOOBSLAYER_69
PIZZA_POWERED
📸 LEGENDARY MATCH SCREENSHOTS 📸
"Another flawless victory! Notice how I had more kills than their entire team combined."
"Speed run world record on Deck16. I finished before some players even loaded in!"
😂 MEMES & JOKES HALL OF FAME 😂
"It's called 'tactical positioning,' n00bs!"
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"ASCII art was the original emoji. Deal with it! 😎"
🔤 L33T SP34K 101 🔤
"Strategy is for people who can't aim!"
📣 CLASSIC GAMING QUOTES 📣
📝 GUESTBOOK - SIGN MY SHRINE! 📝
Leave Your Mark, Warrior!
Recent Entries:
🔗 COOL SITES THAT DON'T SUCK 🔗
🎮 GAMING LEGENDS 🎮
🛠️ TOOLS & UTILITIES 🛠️
🎯 CLAN ALLIES 🎯
🤪 ABSURD BUT AWESOME 🤪
🌐 TOM'S ELITE WEBRING 🌐
Part of the exclusive "Elite Gamers Only" webring since 1999!
💻 SYSTEM REQUIREMENTS 💻
🔥 TO EXPERIENCE TOM'S SHRINE IN ALL ITS GLORY 🔥
MINIMUM REQUIREMENTS:
- 🖥️ Monitor capable of displaying pure awesome
- 🖱️ Mouse with precision targeting (+1000 DPI recommended)
- ⌨️ Keyboard that can handle rapid-fire typing
- 🧠 Brain capable of processing elite gaming content
- ☕ Minimum 3 cups of coffee or 1 energy drink
- 🎮 At least 1 childhood spent playing video games
RECOMMENDED REQUIREMENTS:
- 🚀 17 RTX 5090s running in parallel
- ⚡ Nuclear reactor for power supply
- 🌐 Direct connection to the internet backbone
- 💎 Diamond-encrusted gaming chair
- 🥤 IV drip of Mountain Dew
- 🏆 At least one gaming tournament victory
- 👑 Certification as "Elite Gamer" from Tom himself
ULTIMATE EXPERIENCE:
- 🛸 NASA supercomputer array
- 🌟 Connection to the Matrix mainframe
- 🔮 Psychic powers for mind-reading enemy strategies
- ⏰ Time manipulation abilities for bullet-time mode
- 🦾 Cybernetic implants for enhanced reflexes
- 🌈 RGB lighting on literally everything
- 🎵 Surround sound system audible from space
⚠️ COMPATIBILITY NOTES ⚠️
This site is best viewed in Netscape Navigator 4.0 on a CRT monitor while listening to chiptune music and eating pizza. Internet Explorer users may experience spontaneous combustion. Use at your own risk!